Passing Down Your Faith

I’ve heard parents say they are going to let their kids make up their own minds about matters of faith. Newsflash! Our children are going to make up their own minds no matter what we do.“I don’t want to push religion on my kids like my parents did me,” I’ve heard. That sounds like a good idea; no one wants anything pushed on them. “So, we don’t go to church or talk about God in our home.” Here’s a reality check about matters of faith. We all form our own opinions and make up our own minds about it. My faith is not a clone of any of my parents’ or grandparents’ beliefs. As far as I know, in fact, I’m the first Harris from our family who is a preacher. But I grew up seeing that faith was important to my folks and that became the foundation of everything I am. That’s the way it works: children see what is important to their parents and emulate it. Notice I didn’t say that children hear what their parents say is important, but I said children see what really is important to their parents. Talk is cheap, but actions reveal the truth. It’s our actions that show who we really are and what we really believe.In fact, talking about faith, but not making it a priority can do more harm than good. It is the inoculation effect. To inoculate a person from the flu, he is given a weak dose of the flu virus. The body makes antibodies and fights it off, then those antibodies keep him from getting the full illness. It’s wonderful in medicine, but terrible in matters of religion. Some children are given a weak dose of faith from their parents and they build up spiritual antibodies against it so they are never infected by the real thing.Or, if a parent shows his children that faith is simply not important to him, that can effect those kids’ spiritual development the rest of their lives. We all begin our journey with the basic beliefs of our parents. Eventually, faith must become our own, and that’s okay, but we start with the foundation laid by our heritage. Every child knows what is most important to his parents from a very early age. My kids know where my heart is. I couldn’t hide it from them if I wanted to. They know what makes me tick and what ticks me off. They know if I believe in God and what I believe about him. They know, in fact, if I revere God, and they know if I seek his face or call on him in times of trouble. They know if my faith is important enough to modify my behavior. They know whether or not I am willing to give any money to God. They know whether I see faith as a bother or a wonderful gift. They know how I feel about church, religion, and my relationship with God. And your children know every one of these things about you, too – maybe better than you do. Am I pushing my faith on my children? No, but they know exactly how important it is to me. Am I trying to push my faith on you by writing this column? No, you’ll make up your own mind. I’m just trying to remind all of us that our children are watching. If your faith is important to you, don’t be ashamed to show it to them. Believe me, they already know.