Saying the Right Thing at the Right Time

Sometimes saying the right thing at the right time can make all of the difference. I remember the day before our daughter's surgery, back when she was seven-months old. We were meeting with the surgeon and scared half to death. Our daughter had a crimp in her aorta and it was forcing her little heart to work too hard. The surgeon was going in to fix it. He was explaining what the procedure was like and what the risks were. I doubt there was much color in my face. He had earlier told us there was a small chance she could be paralyzed if the surgery took too long.
But then he said something I have never forgotten. He said, “You guys get a good night's sleep tonight and I want you to know that I'm going to, too.” I found great comfort in that. It showed how seriously he was taking the surgery. He wasn't going to be out partying all night, then crawl in in the morning ready to wield a scalpel. I believed him too. It just didn't seem like something he would say if he didn't mean. We barely got any sleep at all, but I've always believed our surgeon did. And, of course, he was the one with our daughter's life in his hands. We were just spectators at that point, except for the praying.
He could have left it unsaid, knowing that we would assume he would. His position demanded that he take his job seriously. We could have assumed he would come to work rested. But we didn't have to. He told us plainly and we didn't have to wonder.
We can say the right things at the right times too. Our loved ones shouldn't wonder how we feel about them. They can know that we love them and that we are proud of them. They can feel appreciated. We can thank them. We can say we're sorry when we've blown it. These are the words that keep us connected. These are the words that bind us together.
Men, we shouldn't make our wives wonder if we love them. We should tell them plainly. And often. And we should tell our children just as plainly and frequently. True, actions speak louder than words, but can’t words crush us or make us soar?
Children crave hearing their parents' approval. The truth is, we all want to feel appreciated. The right word of affirmation at the right time can keep us going. It can make your day, just as discouraging words can ruin it.
Take the leap from thinking it to saying it. Go ahead, tell people how grateful you are for their friendship. Tell people how much they mean to you. Tell people how nice they look, how sweet they are, or how well they are doing their jobs. There’s no need to leave words that should be spoken unsaid. But we have to watch this or we will leave too many things silent and assumed.
If a person is doing his job well, he may never hear about it, but the first time something goes wrong, he’ll hear all about it! Let’s do better. Let’s tell our children’s teachers that we appreciate them. Let’s tell our doctors, mechanics, pastors, business associates, and others in our lives what they mean to us. If we do, we’ll teach our children to be appreciative people. And we’ll teach them to say the right words at the right time. There’s no way to measure how much it might mean to someone someday.

New Year's Resolutions for the Family in 09

It’s a new year and a fresh start. A time for us to stop and reflect how to be better parents in 2009. Here are five resolutions for this new year:
1. Spend more quality time with your children than you ever have. I say this every year and have no plan to stop. There is just no substitute for this. Children spell love T-I-M-E. We can tell them we love them all day long, buy them material things, and provide for their every (other) need, but we’ll fall short this year if we don’t find a way to spend good, quality time with them. This means unfettered time. Planned time is not the same. Our children need some time with us that is unscripted – when they can take the lead in the conversion.
I’m not suggesting we let our kids dictate our every moment or conversation, but giving them large scoops of our down time is a wonderful gift. I’ve found some of the best bonding I’ve done with my children comes in these moments. They know we really love them when they come into the living room and we turn off the TV. Try it in 2009 and see what happens.
2. Laugh with your kids more this year than you did in 2008. In our busy lives, we may simply forget to do this. But we shouldn’t. Laughter bonds you as a family and makes your home a more comfortable, pleasant place to be. You want your kids to want to be around you. Sometimes we have to be deliberate about these things. If it’s been a while since you’ve had a good laugh together, do something about it. How do your children view you, as someone who is somber and serious all the time, or as a joyful person who is optimistic about life, has a good sense of humor, and a good balanced outlook?
3. Plan, then take a trip or two together this year. It’s tough in a down economy to spend the money that trips require, but it’s money well spent. Some of our family’s favorite memories are made on vacations and trips. Remember, we can’t go back in time and do things together, so we have to take advantage of the time we are given today. We can’t (or shouldn’t) spend what we don’t have, so this can be a challenge, but a challenge we should accept. In our home, we tend to take shorter, cheaper trips, but the point is to have some fun, do something together, and make some memories.
4. Watch your tongue in 2009. Know that your children are watching and they will catch your morals, values and faith. If you say your faith is important to you, but demonstrate with your actions that it is not, they will follow what they see, not what you say. How is your language in traffic? How well do you treat your spouse? How do you speak of people who are different?
5. Make sure your children feel connected this year. Researchers are finding out how important this is and families are in prime position to take full advantage of the benefits. We were designed to be connected. Nothing is more important in our lives than our relationships. We must feel that we belong. We must feel connected, loved and cared-for. That’s what family is all about. But we have to be deliberate this year to make sure our children feel welcomed in their own homes.
Let’s work on these goals this year so our families will have the best year ever.