You Gotta Want It

I've been thinking about what my friend, David, said to me on a work trip about ten years ago. We were in New Mexico installing phone booths at convenience stores. As a side note, those have mostly gone the way of the dinosaurs now that everyone has a cell phone. Anyway, I had to loosen a big bolt to remove the old phone so we could install a new one. I pushed on the wrench and nothing happened. So I repositioned myself and pulled on it. Still nothing. I couldn't budge it. So, I went and asked David for help. He came over and strained on the wrench for a second and, sure enough, it loosened. He handed me the wrench and said, "You gotta want it."
The next bolt I encountered, I pushed harder, putting my weight into it. This time, I got it loose. I really wanted it. I didn't want to have to ask David for help again. So I tried harder, straining beyond what I thought I could. I had to want it.
I've used that catch phrase many times this past decade. It's simple, yet profound. It applies to nearly every endeavor. You can't loosen a bolt without putting your weight into it and you can't overcome any other challenge without really trying.
What challenge are you facing right now? You can do it, but you have to be determined to make it happen. You can't put half of your heart into it and expect to succeed. Losing weight, stopping smoking, getting some exercise, completing a course, getting a golf-ball in the cup, scheduling a regular quiet time -- no matter the challenge, you gotta want it to make it happen.
Last week, my wife was commenting on the challenges of spending quality time with our busy daughter. Guess what I said?
So, what do you really want? Do you want to be the number one influence on your children? It's going to take hard work and sincere effort. Do you want your children to grow up well-rounded, well-functioning, with good self-discipline and an old-fashioned work ethic? You gotta want it. I want my children to be spiritual. I want them to make good decisions. I want them to put God first in every area of their lives.
But this isn't going to happen if I only try half-heartedly -- I gotta want it. I have to make decisions every single day that push toward that goal. Some days it is every bit as hard as pushing against a rusted bolt, but I want it to happen so I strain forward, not looking back and not giving up. If I fail at one bolt -- one challenge, I may even ask for help and then try again on the next one.
Ultimately, my children will make their own decisions about God and about life, but I do not underestimate my influence on that. Some days, I would like to be lazy about it and just say what I want to say or do what I want to do. But I can't forget what I really want and that keeps me going.
It's a challenge to get my children up and to church on time every Sunday, but I'm very aware that half-hearted commitment will lead to half-way-committed children. That's not what I want.
Do you want to be a good parent? It's not easy. Do you want your children to be happy and successful? It's not easy. Do you want to instill your values in them? It's a challenge. You can do it, but you gotta want it.

Bomber Planes!

Second Snow Day

Please indulge me a few more photos from our second snow day this month. I got some really good ones. These are large files so you can use them for your desktop if you wish.

Snow Day!

We got 3 inches of snow Thursday night and Friday morning. It's rare for us to get this much snow and was a real treat.

Pert Crop Circle

We were at my folks place today and I took pictures of this strange, green circle that has appeared in their field. We first noticed it a few weeks ago, but I forgot about it. Then, my mom called us out to see what it is doing now. These large mushrooms are growing in the ring of the circle - and no where else in the field. As you can see, the circle is about twelve feet across. It is green because the grass is alive in the circle, but winter dormant in the rest of the field. We have no explanation for the circle. Very interesting!

Update: Now, I'm hearing this is called a "Fairy Ring". You can see the article on it in the Palestine Herald Press here.

The Danger of Showing Favoritism

I was asked to speak to a group of mothers recently. I spoke on the topics of building our children's self-esteem and sibling rivalry. I talked for thirty minutes or so, reminding them that children, and especially teenagers, will make better choices when they feel better about themselves. It's scary when a young person doesn't feel his life has meaning or value. The choices he can make are devastating. From how well they perform in school to moral choices they make on the weekends, it is terribly important that they realize how loved and valued they are.
We help our children have healthy self-esteems by validating their feelings, giving them appropriate praise for their accomplishments, and encouraging them to be well-rounded. I told the story of the young man who said no matter how many accomplishments he achieved, it was never good enough for his father. It's not easy, but we must be deliberate in building our children's self-esteem. It can make all of the difference in their lives.
I then talked about sibling rivalry. I told them this was normal and not to feel too guilty when their children argue. This is how they learn to interact with each other. This is how they learn to get along, to share, and to deal with adversity. I said we, as parents, need to step in when one child is truly bullying the other. We have to step in when harm is threatened. Moms may be more inclined to referee the moment a voice is raised, I told them, but I feel we should let them work things out as much as we can.
Anyway, it was an interesting discussion and I did my part, then asked if they had any questions or comments. What followed surprised me. They began to talk about the trouble they were having with their parents showing favoritism toward one of their children.
They told stories of grandmothers taking one child shopping and leaving the other one at home. Not that the grandmother was taking turns doing this, but continually buying for one and ignoring the other. A mother said one daughter is praised for her looks and the other, well, not so much. One mother said her parents bought expensive gifts for her children's cousins, but not them. One talked about the cousins being invited over all the time, but her children were not. On and on it went. I had no idea this was such a universal problem.
Parents, you know better than to show favoritism to one of your children. You know how devastating it can be to them. You know this was a problem in the first families of Old Testament and always has been. Grandparents, please realize that you can't show favoritism without hurting your grandkids. Perhaps some grandparents think it's okay to have favorites since they are a generation removed, but the hurt is just as real as it would be in your own home. I asked the women how they were dealing with this and one said she has told her parents that they have to take all of the children and cannot leave one at home. One mother said she has forbidden her parents from purchasing one child a gift without getting the other something too. These seem like reasonable solutions.
I think it's okay to take turns spending time with and fawning over the children, but kids are smart - smarter than we give them credit - and they know when they are being slighted or given preferential treatment. Careful, there is much pain at stake here.

Barney and Beyonce!