New Year's Resolutions for Parents for 2008

New Year’s Resolutions for parents? First on the list should be to spend more time with your children than you ever have. I’ve been writing a parenting column for my local newspaper for more than ten years now, and basically, I write each and every week the same thing: that parents should spend lots and lots of time with their kids. I’ve just repackaged it and tried to say it a different way each week. But the message is always the same. There is simply no substitute for this. Kids spell love “T-I-M-E”. Maybe I’ll say that one week, then the next week I’ll write that kids need unstructured time with you. Then I’ll encourage you to take walks together or go on trips.
I’ll remind you to look your children in the eye and put down the paper or the computer. I’ll encourage you to eat together as a family several times per week and the benefits of that.
Spending time with our kids earns us the right to pass down our values to them. It allows us to show them what is most important to us. That’s really my message in a nutshell. And that’s my New Year’s Resolution this year and every year. Happy 2008 to you and your family from me and mine.

Christmas Pictures

Here are a few more pictures from Christmas. That's Rodney and Shirley, who came over Christmas Eve for Taco Soup. We call Shirley "Aunt Shay" and she had on a Longhorn's sweatshirt so Jodi took this picture of us (me in my Texas A&M sweater). The kids are checking out their Christmas morning goodies, including these helicopters, which are way cool.

The Stand -- Hillsong United -- Passion Of the Christ Version

This is why Jesus came at Christmas. This is hard to watch (and makes me cry), but it's a great reminder of God's love to us and what our sin did to Jesus that terrible, wonderful day. The blood that ran through the veins of the infant Jesus the first Christmas morning is the same blood he shed for our sins. This is God's gift to us.
As a side note, I love Hillsong United. They are my new favorite worship group.

Harris Family Christmas

Here are some pictures from the family gathering at our place Saturday. We had a great time catching up with our aunts, uncles and cousins. We took a few minutes to share how God has been good to us this year, with each person getting to speak. Then we sang songs and carved the "roast beast". Love to you all!

Home for The Holidays

It's getting more and more difficult to get everyone together for Christmas, but I think it is more important than ever that we do. I'm so blessed to be in a family where love reigns and we want to see each other. I guess I could say I'm blessed to part of a family at all.
My grandparents began a legacy of godliness and goodness and my children reap the benefits. Those kids of mine don't realize how blessed they are. Not yet. But one day they will. One day they will realize not everyone grows up in a family where it is a good thing to get together. Oh, our clan is not perfect, but so many families don't even speak. In some families, the grownups live darkly or selfishly and the kids don't want anything to do with them. Get-togethers are forced, uncomfortable and dreaded. I hear of families that haven't spoken for years. Christmas is about being reconciled - being friends again - and forgiveness allows that.
In this season of joy, how sad it must be to be isolated from loved ones. How sad not to give and receive love from your family members. When we hurt each other, we hurt whole families. And when we refuse to forgive, the hurt continues.
The song "I'll be Home for Christmas" is so sweet and sad when you realize its history. It was written during World War II in honor of those who were stuck in a foreign land fighting for our peace and safety. Of course, we have many men and women from our country in that very situation. Let's remember to pray for them this year.
I write these words because I want families to be strong. I want us to make the effort to love each other, to uplift each other, and to spend time together. I want us to realize that the decisions we make affect those around us, including the innocents. I hope your Christmas get-togethers have a spiritual element. Christmas is not just about getting and receiving material things, it is about love for all people.
When families are strong, our society will be strong. Find your way through the stress and materialism that Christmas has become and use this time of year to strengthen your family. You will spread joy to others and you will receive it back many times over.

Why a Candidate's Faith Matters

Should we care what religion our president practices? Should his personal beliefs be a factor in our decision to choose him? The media seems to be saying today that it doesn’t matter. So what if a candidate is a Mormon – or a Muslim for that matter? That’s personal and has nothing to do with his decision-making as Commander in Chief, they say.
But Christians know better. We know that a person’s faith defines who he is. We know that nothing is more important. That’s the first thing we want to know about a potential mate, business partner, or elected official. It does matter. I don’t care what the media says; Jesus said he was the only way to the Father (John 14:6). If anyone has a problem with this, he can take it up with Him. The Mormons add to Jesus’ Words and say they have a new book and a new way to understand God. That’s a problem for true Christians. Let the media debate, but Christians don’t want someone who practices a cult in the Whitehouse. If Romney is elected, voters are not only endorsing him, but also his beliefs. There’s no way around it. He will push Mormonism further into the mainstream. He will give it credibility it has never enjoyed before. He will make it look like just another denomination of Christianity. But it’s not; it is heretical and cultic. It is a lie. That’s why it’s an issue.
No one is perfect, but I don’t want a person in the Whitehouse whom I know believes a lie about the most important topic there is.

The debate is probably healthy, though. I heard Glenn Beck (also a Mormon) say today that the Bible has been edited over the years. What a lie! The early church fathers were very careful not to change one word of the original manuscripts. If the Bible had modifications or legendary embellishments we would not be able to trust it. (Which is basically what Mormonism teaches.) The good news is we can be assured the Bible we possess contains the true and final Word of God. It is the only book we need to find our way to Him. Let all men be called liars who say otherwise.

Happy Hanukkah!

The Jewish Festival of Lights, or Hanukkah, begins at sundown tonight. I was studying it today and noticed something interesting. The Menorah, or candelabra, has a central candle called the "Shamash", or servant candle, surrounded by eight lower candles. The outer candles are to be lit only by the Shamash. The Menorah was designed by God Himself. Now that scientists have corrected the number of planets around our sun, we have eight, the same number! Even Josephus, the first-century Jewish historian said the candles coincided with our solar system. Jewish scholars say the eight candles also stand for the eight days the candle burned in the temple on only one day's supply of oil.
Hanukkah is called the Feast of Dedication (John 10:22), since the temple was rededicated on Kislev 25th, 165 BC, after being desecrated by King Antiochus Epiphanes. Perhaps one reason why early (by early, I mean around 300 A.D.) Christians celebrated Jesus' birthday on December 25th was in reference to Hanukkah.
As you can see from the blog below, I believe Jesus was born on Tishri 15 and was conceived of the Holy Spirit during Hanukkah. The SON is the central candle, the Light of the World, and a servant to all.

Sanctus Real "The Face of Love"

New Republican Star?

I watched the last half of the Republican debate last night on CNN. If you saw it, it probably doesn't surprise you that I was really impressed with Mike Huckabee. He seems to be a conservative that I can get behind and be proud of. When asked if he believed every Word of the Bible he said he did, but admitted he didn't understand it all. "If you could understand everything about the Bible, then your God is too small," he said. When was the last time a politician said something that helped your faith? And he got the biggest laugh of the night when he said Jesus was too smart to ever run for public office. I thought he came across as smart and witty.
And he made sense on everything else I heard him say, too. I thought he stood out as the best of the bunch. Are we ready for another governor from Arkansas in the Whitehouse? If this guy keeps this up, I think we just might be.

Why Christmas is Such a Big Deal

It was God himself who started all of this Christmas fuss. It’s his fault that we make such a big deal out of the holiday. It’s his fault that we talk about, think about, and plan around it for several months. It’s his fault that we exchange gifts with friends and loved ones.
Newspapers are already printing articles suggesting ways to avoid the holiday blues – depression brought on by the stress and high expectations. Our expectations are so high because no matter how difficult the holidays are, we will look back on them with nostalgia and fondness. Stress because we become even busier. Christmas is so important to us it amplifies our feelings. Is it over-commercialized? Of course, but that’s because everything is exaggerated this time of year. Again, it’s all God’s fault.
The tradition of giving gifts began for only one reason: gift-giving reminds us that God gave a pretty nice present that first Christmas. It’s almost comical that we give each other a plastic fish that hangs on the wall and sings some campy song to commemorate God becoming one of us, but that’s the long and short of it.
And gift-giving is one thing we Americans do well. We like receiving gifts, and we like to give them. We remember how great it felt, back when we were kids, to get that special toy we had been craving. So now we want our children to experience that, too. And we don’t stop there, either. We feel more charitable than in any other time of the year. We give so much, in fact, that our entire economy is based on Christmas sales. There are no atheists in fox holes and there should be none in retail stores, either. They call the Friday after Thanksgiving “Black Friday” because it is the day when retailers finally get into “the black” – finally begin to make a profit. If you like your money, you can thank God for Christmas because you just might not have any without it.
Christmas is so much more than Winter Break. It brings more than any Season’s Greetings or Happy Holidays ever could. It is a deep, rich celebration layered with emotion and tradition. It is the big dog on the calendar. It is the elephant in the living room. It spun the number one song of all time, “White Christmas”. It is wrapped in its own songs, movies, books, plays and magazines, in fact, like pretty paper on a package. It is a break in the work schedule that we look forward to all year long. It gives hope when nothing else will. Christmas is a big deal and that is exactly how it should be.
The lights and decorations make us feel warm inside. Perhaps that has something to do with a light dawning in the darkness. Something Isaiah wrote nearly three thousand years ago. Take away the symbolism and the lights would never have twinkled.
Some say Christmas is about peace on earth, but it goes far beyond that. Some say it is about good will toward men, but that is only a fraction of the story. If it were only a fun holiday, it would likely last only one day. If it were just a break from work, it would be devoid of the emotion it brings. If it were only about parties, decorations or dinner, it probably would have died out long ago. Yes, Christmas is a big deal and that is because of what it means. Christmas is the celebration of Christ. God started all of this fuss and I am thankful to him for it.

Fresh New Coat

It's good to get out and work together as a family on a project. I was proud of our kids Saturday. They grabbed a paint brush and got to work. We have a lot of painting to go, but we're off to a good start. This paint looks just like melted chocolate. No wonder I crave it every time I come home.

Putting Family First?

Isn't it best to put our families first in all circumstances? I write a parenting column and have this family-friendly blog, so it might sound natural for me to say, “Put your family first.” This is one of the best moral lessons we receive from the media, and many of the more wholesome Hollywood movies teach this. I applaud the attitude of putting your family above your work or personal pursuits.
But what did Jesus say about this? He said, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26. We have to remember that he was speaking to people who did not read. He had to use such harsh illustrations so they would remember his meaning, which was: “You have to put God first, not your family. You must love me most.”
We are not to worship our children or our families. We are to worship God and God alone. Do we put our families above work? Sure, but not above God.
Paul said, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1Timothy 5:8. So we are to take care of our families, but we should always, always put God first.

Ornamental Pear Trees and Christians

I saw the term "evangelical Christian" the other day. Oh, I know, it's nothing new. A web site was talking about a former child star and said she is now an evangelical Christian. (The reference was to Candace Cameron from "Full House".)

I understand this -- it means she is serious about her faith and actively witnessing to those who will listen. But what bugs me is that "evangelical" is considered a subset of Christianity. There are Christians -- and that's most everyone in America -- and then there are evangelical Christians who are really serious about their faith. They are reviled by some, respected by others, and a major voting block.
I contend that the term Evangelical Christian is redundant. How can a person be a Christian and not be an evangelist? I don't think he can. I have a pear tree in my yard and it cannot help but make pears. That's simply what it does. No organism can survive if it does not reproduce itself and the church is a living organism that must replicate itself in the same way. Pear trees make pears and Christians make Christians.
I guess the problem is that we also have a Cleveland Pear Tree. It's strictly ornamental. It's pretty in the spring and fall, but makes no pears. But this is due to genetic manipulation, it's not a real pear tree. If it were it would make pears.
The world has grown accustomed to ornamental Christians and thinks it's something special when someone is the real thing. A real Christian cannot help but witness to those in his circle of influence. The Spirit living within us makes sure of this. A real Christian is an evangelical Christian.

Sometimes the Best Defense is a Good Offense

I heard singer Amy Grant say something I thought was so true and funny on a morning talk show several years ago. She said when you have one child, you can double-team him. Then, when you have the second, you go man to man. You switch to zone defense when the third baby comes along, and have to play a “prevent” defense when you have four or more children.
In case you don’t watch as much football as I do, her illustration compares rearing children to playing defense in that game. Further, football experts will say that no team can win the big games without a good defense. The offense may be great, but the defense has to stop the other team from running up the score. “The best offense,” they say, “is a good defense.”
But I heard Football Analyst John Madden say something interesting one time. He said sometimes the best defense is a good offense, because the longer the offense can stay on the field, the more the defense can sit on the bench and rest so it can play better when it is called up.
I want to merge this parenting and football analogy and say I think too many parents are playing too much defense with their kids and not enough offense.
Parents are concerned about stopping their children from doing things they know are harmful to them, so they spend their time and energy trying to block them. Parents basically spend their lives running down the field trying to stop their kids from “scoring” against them.
Don’t get me wrong, a good defense is a good idea, but we need to mix some good offensive play in there too. Too many parents are reactive toward their children, trying to fix what is already being done. We need to be proactive, taking deliberate steps to move the ball toward our own goal.
What are your goals are as a family? What do you want your children to achieve? What character traits do you want them to possess? What education goals have you set? What moral decisions do you want them to make?
Some teams earn a few yards at a time by running the ball. This works well in most cases. It uses the clock well and wears down the defense. Other teams grab huge chunks of the field going “long” and making pretty throws and catches. But the best offenses mix it up. This is my advice to parents, too.
The running of the ball is the time we spend together every day. It’s a slow, steady grind. It is when our children see our character and learn our values. As we know, children have a tendency to become who we are. Coaches call these bread and butter plays because they are the basic strategy. The bread and butter of parenting is the time we spend together each and every day. It is difficult to win games without a running game, and it is difficult to be proactive with our children if we don’t spend large chunks of quality time with them.
Then, we go long and mix things up. We go beyond setting an example and do some real teaching. We tell them why we act like we do and believe like we do. Then, it’s back to a few yards at a time in our running game. Sometimes we don’t move the ball at all, but we get back up and try again. Winning is never easy. It takes hard work and dedication, but in parenting, the rewards are worth it.

Christians and Halloween

I know many Christian parents steer away from Halloween because of some of its pagan origins. I understand and respect this. But my fear is that my kids will say, "Christian families never have any fun, so who needs it?" I want them to see that we Christians have more fun than anyone. We try to downplay the "evil" aspects of Halloween, but capitalize on the "good" aspects -- like candy, walking in the crunching leaves, parties, cooler weather, football games, and even carving a pumpkin. I know some of you may disagree, but notice I made a "happy" face and not an evil one. Then I reminded the kids that Jesus picks us from the patch, cleans out the junk in our lives, puts a smile on our faces, and puts his light inside for all the world to see.

In other words, I think we Christians should try to seize the seasons and their holidays and turn them for good. I think we should be deliberate in our efforts to have some fun.

Consistent Parenting

One thing I’ve noticed about good parenting is it must be consistent. I think all of us have it in us to be good role models on occasion. But that does no one any good. To be good parents, we must be consistently good parents. We must be consistent in our discipline; we must be relentless in our encouragement and guidance; and we must be consistent in our unconditional love and sacrifice.
Children quickly pick up from us what is most important to us. They are watching us live out our lives one moment at a time. They are watching, and they know our priorities. They know what is most important to us. In other words, our actions – day after day after day – speak louder than our words. Inconsistent parenting may do more harm than good. Children easily see through hypocrisy and lose respect for us if they spot it. We must be consistent.

Mute Math

Have you heard this group? They're a Christian band from New Orleans. The only reason I know this is because I keep hearing them on a Christian Internet radio channel. Their lyrics are not overtly "Christian" at all, which is fine with me because great music is an act of worship if your heart is right. When I hear a song I really, really like I'll usually buy the one song for my MP3. But I heard Chaos, then Break the Same, then Stare at the Sun, then Typical, so I just bought the whole CD. This is good stuff!

Snake Bite!

I was sitting on the patio this afternoon, enjoying a cup of coffee and talking with my wife. Suddenly our dachshund, Jello, who was sniffing around the crepe myrtle tree just off the patio, jumped back. I thought I saw a lizard or something jumping near his face. Jello ran away as fast as he could and I knew something serious had just happened. He didn't yelp, so we weren't sure what it was. He stood at a distance and barked. I think he was warning us.
I went over to investigate and saw a copperhead coiled at the base of the tree. I killed it and began to watch Jello to see if he had been bitten. Soon, his nose began to swell and we found two small blood spots. Sure enough, he had been bitten.

We gave him some children's Benadryl. I dipped it in peanut butter so he would eat it. Then I called our vet, Dr. Stone, and she said we had done the right thing. She said a person would have to go to the hospital, but that Jello should be okay. He's very lethargic and seems pretty miserable. We'll keep an eye on him and give him more medicine every six hours for a while. He's not all that swollen as you can see in the picture. Be sure to keep Benadryl on hand for such occasions.

The Magic of Eating Together

You want your children to be happy, right? I mean, do I really have to ask? And drug and alcohol abuse ravages young lives, right?
So what if I told you that you could help keep them away from these addictions by doing something as simple as sitting with them at dinner a few times each week? It’s true and it’s probably the best deal you are going to encounter today.
Columbia University in New York studied families who eat dinner together and found that teenagers are twice as likely to try marijuana, start smoking, or abuse alcohol if they eat dinner with their families less than three times per week. (This is why they launched Family Day on the fourth Monday in September back in 2001.)
What is so magical about eating dinner together? Well, to do so properly, you have to turn off the TV and walk away from the magazines, paper, and computer. This way, you can look your children in the eyes. Now, engage in the lives of your family. Give your children your attention and see if they will not give you theirs. You have made a conscious decision to spend time with them. You have chosen them over everything else you could be doing. Your children are aware of this at an early age. They have been chosen by you and they know it.
It is a daily decision that parents must make, and each time you choose to give your children your attention, they feel just a little more special. They know how much they really do mean to you because you have proven it once again.
We usually eat during the news hour and my children know I’m a news junkie. So when I choose them over the news, I earn the right to enter their lives and become part of their decision-making. They know I sacrificed for them and that means a lot. Now, when I mention how important it is to say no to drugs – and yes to faith – I’ve earned the right to do so.
The kids know they are holding their parents captive, so they can talk about anything they want. We try to keep dinner upbeat and positive, but we also remember that we are their parents and not their friends. So, we might laugh about something that happened that day one minute, then remind them of table manners the next. We have to referee sometimes, when a disagreement breaks out, but the point is, we are together, engaged in each other’s lives, and purposefully working together to make our family better.
As children get older, this is going to be more and more difficult, so start when they are young and hang on to dinnertime as long as you can. If you can’t do this because of your schedule, find some time each week to give your undivided attention. That’s the point. Life is never simple and we have to work with what we’re given.
Children that feel connected to their families are not looking for something else to fill that void in their lives. Their esteems are healthier, and their power to say no to peer pressure is stronger. They know that whatever they do, they are going to have to look at their parents or guardians across the dinner table.
The magic of the dinner table is not in the eating of the food, it’s the time we spend making eye contact. It’s our choosing them and giving them our ears. Make the choice and see if doesn’t help them in their own decisions later.

The Number One Cause of Death in America

Do you know the number one cause of death in America? You might guess heart disease and according to the National Center for Health Statistics, you would be right. But you would be wrong. You might guess cancer. Sure enough, cancer will take more than a half-million lives this year. Accidents rank fifth at just more than one hundred thousand each year.
The number one cause of death in America is murder. Surprised? Americans murder more than a million babies every year. Estimates are we murder about three thousand, seven hundred every day. In other words, nearly as many humans die in the womb every single day as American soldiers have died in the entire Iraq war. Let me say that again: 3,800 American soldiers have died in Iraq in four years of fighting, but 3,700 unborn children die every day back at home.
This subject is bad enough, but it gets worse. Do you know why those children die? 93% die because they are an inconvenience to their mother. Do you know which mothers are aborting their children? 60% are white and 38% are middle class. America is bad, but the rest of the world is even worse. World-wide, the average is every single woman on the planet will have one abortion.
This is horrible, so why am I writing this? Because I wonder why we think we can ask God to bless us as a country when we are stomping on the Sixth Commandment and up to our necks in an all-out slaughter of innocents. Do we really think God is pleased with us? Do we really think we can get away with this?

Right On Time

I love these Spiderlillies. Someone who lived in our house before we moved here planted them. I didn't even know they were there - waiting to surface - until our first Autumn in our home. They come up and bloom every fall. What was amazing this year is that they surfaced last week, then bloomed on the first day of Autumn. We could have set our clocks by them. Now, that's obedience to their creator! They will bloom for a couple of weeks, then disappear until next fall when they'll appear again. Right on time.

Defying Gravity

My wife took this amazing picture of Savannah and me "floating" above the trampoline. I had just done a "seat drop", which bounces us high above the canvas. It looks like we were defying gravity, and for a moment, I guess we were.

We jumped on the trampoline Monday night after we ate dinner together on the patio to celebrate Family Day. Right after this, I threw the football with David, my son. He can throw a mean, tight spiral.

Mornings With Lorri and Friends

I had the privilege of being a guest on Lorri Allen’s radio show this morning. Lorri is the host of Mornings With Lorri and Friends on Sirius Satellite Radio, channel 161. If you ever get a chance to listen, she does a terrific job hosting the show. It’s on every weekday from 7 to 8 a.m., ET.
Lorri’s boss, Scott Miller, was co-hosting this morning and the three of us talked about the importance of sitting together at the family dinner table several times each week.
You can see from yesterday’s blog that yesterday was Family Day – A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children™. This phrase is a trademark of Columbia University in New York, which launched Family Day seven years ago.
Scott admitted his family sits together at dinner, but always has the TV on while they eat. I commented that the TV has become a member of the family, but we need to turn it off a few times each week so that we can give our kids our undivided attention during those precious few moments together.
You can hear the conversation here. Thanks again to Lorri for having me as a guest on her show.

Family Day

Today is Family Day. Here is some information about it from the official website:

Family Day — A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children™ is a national movement to remind parents that what their kids really want at the dinner table is THEM! Family Day encourages parents to frequently eat dinner with their kids and be involved in their children’s lives. The conversations that go hand-in-hand with dinner help parents learn more about their kids’ lives and helps them to better understand the challenges their kids face.
The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University launched Family Day in 2001 after CASA’s research consistently found that the more often children eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs. Family Day is celebrated on the fourth Monday in September.

The benefits of frequent family dinners:
CASA’s 2006 report The Importance of Family Dinners III found that compared to kids who have fewer than three family dinners per week, children and teens who have 5-7 family dinners per week are:
-At 70 percent lower risk for substance abuse;
-Half as likely to try cigarettes or marijuana,
-One third less likely to try alcohol;
-Half as likely to get drunk monthly.
-Kids who frequently eat dinner with their families are also likelier to have better grades and confide in their parents.
-It is never too early to start the family dinner tradition. Begin making family dinners a regular feature of your daily routine today!

Here are some other important things you can do to keep your kids off drugs:
-Set a good example.
-Know your child’s whereabouts, activities and friends.
-Set fair rules and hold your child to them.
-Maintain open lines of communication.
-Surround your child with positive role models.
-Learn the signs and symptoms of teen substance abuse and conditions that increase risk.

I plan to eat dinner with the family tonight. I hope you are going to support this, too.

Family Night!

We played the Disney version of Monopoly tonight. It was fun, but it didn't take long for David to begin to wipe the rest of us out. That guy is hard to beat at this game. We went for ice cream, then came back and played. It's good for the kids to still be young and at home on Friday nights. I know the day will come when we wish for moments like these again.

Isolation or Insulation

How do we protect our children from the evils of the world? Do we shield them from thoughts, morals, and ideas that are contrary to our own? Do we hide them from the dangerous and immoral influences out there?
I think a mistake some parents make is trying to isolate their children from the world. We can’t shield their eyes and ears from every evil. Even if we could, it wouldn’t last. The day would come when they fly from the nest and our protective shield is taken down.
I submit, then, that we should not attempt to isolate them from the world, but insulate them from it instead.
Some parents shield their children to point of letting them watch very little television. The children are not allowed to see movies that are not G-rated. They can’t read most of the books in print because their content is objectionable for some reason. Video games, magazines, newspapers and the Internet are all screened to make sure only positive values are let through.
On the surface, this seems perfectly healthy. But when you think it through you realize you might not be doing the children such a big favor after all. For one thing, you don’t want your children to grow up culturally or socially ignorant. For another, you may be setting them up for a culture shock that may well overwhelm them. One day, they will be exposed to nearly everything you are hiding from them today. How will they handle that if they are not prepared for it?
We all joke that we’d like to hide our kids in a closet until they grow up, but some parents virtually attempt to do this. Every aspect of their children’s home-schooled lives are controlled, filtered, and protected to the point that they may as well live in Antarctica. Then the day comes when the kids walk out the front door and the protective filters are all gone. They see, hear, read, and experience the real world with its ugliness and hatred. Some will find it new and exciting, and rebel against every value that has been placed on them. Others may go back into hiding.
Am I saying that we shouldn’t filter what our children see and experience? Of course not, and reasonable limits should be set on everything. My wife and I don’t prescribe to premium movie channels because there is too much trash there that we don’t want in our home. Some movies, magazines, books, Internet sites, and TV shows have no place in front of your children and you have the right and responsibility to block them. And our filters should be set higher for younger children. I fear, however, that some parents try to go too far.
Instead of isolating them, we should insulate them. We should prepare them for what they will see and experience in the real world. Instead of putting blinders on their eyes, we put love and respect in their hearts. We teach them right from wrong and lovingly explain to them why wrong behaviors and decisions are not in their best interest. We show them the benefits of a life lived against the grain.
Isolation places barriers between them and the world while insulation prepares them for its realities. Isolation teaches them that no one else’s opinion should even be considered. Insulation allows them to hear other ideas with confidence in what they believe. Isolation encourages the children to be dependent on their parents, but isolation encourages self-discipline. Isolation eventually breaks down, but insulation can last for a well-rounded, satisfied lifetime.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

Parents, we don’t want our homes filled with fussing and fighting, but we don’t want the inmates to run the asylum either. There must be a balance. I think the best advice is to choose your battles wisely and stick to your guns on certain issues, while remaining more flexible on others.
Parenting experts say the best parents are moderately strict. Not too strict, or too lenient. Overly strict or controlling parents run the risk of forcing their children to rebel. Think of squeezing a bird in your hand; it will do everything in its power to escape your grasp. Some children feel this way. Other children have security issues because their parents are not setting proper boundaries around them. Boundaries may constrict us, but they also offer us much comfort. Children need that.
It is up to each parent to strike this parenting balance, but I think it’s good to begin with choosing our battles carefully. Certain kinds of rebellions may be considered safe rebellion and are normal and healthy. Adolescents are pulling away from mama’s apron strings and becoming their own individual persons, so some rebelling is necessary. I think hairstyles usually fall into this “safe” category. I would rather my children have wild hair than wild friends. Hair will grow back or change color. Tattoos, on the other hand, are permanent and not necessarily safe. So in our home, we’ll be strict about no tattoos, but perhaps more lenient about hairstyles.
Parents should be rock solid on matters of safety and health, but flexible on most other issues.

Since a curfew concerns safety, it should be a battle we choose to fight. But we can back off some on matters like when to wear ear rings and make-up; when to do chores, clothing styles, friendships, or even hours in front of the television. Stand firm on the importance of study time, school attendance, proper nutrition, and personal hygiene. In our home, church attendance is also not subject to debate.
I know of parents who enforce a strict bedtime, whether it is summer or during the school year. In our home, you’ll find us more lenient on this. In the summer, we let the kids stay up until midnight if they want. For me this is just an issue that is not worth a fight. I know we are going to have plenty of battles as the kids stretch their wings, and I’m saving my strength for the ones that I feel really matter. I don’t want our home to feel like a battlefield, full of yelling and arguing. I also want my kids to feel they are slowly taking control of their own lives. This is important to their esteems and maturity.
Parents must manage every aspect of their infants’ lives. Then they gradually give their children more and more freedoms until releasing them from the nest. I’ve read that as a rule, parents should basically be friends with their children by the time they graduate from high school, offering only helpful advice. This way the young adults are ready to conduct their lives and make good decisions when they go to college or out on their own.
So, choose your battles wisely and don’t back down from what you feel is important or worthy of conflict. But show your kids that you know you are human, compassionate, and not perfect. Lose some battles if that’s what it takes to live in a loving, peaceful, but safe home. And be moderately strict; not too strict or too lenient. Your children will love you for it.

More Problems for 'Ole Evolution

Have you seen the article about the latest challenge to evolution? It's right here. You haven't seen it? I wouldn't have seen it either if I didn't catch it on happy news. My brother told me it was mentioned on Fox News, but I don't get that channel so I never saw it.
When Darwin wrote his theory, we didn't even know about cells. Now we know they are extremely complicated nanofactories that are marvels of engineering. They are irreducibly complex. Darwin thought life was so simple, it bubbled up from the bottom of the ocean. He also thought we would find thousands of transitional fossils to prove his theory. We've found a grand total of ZERO. (Evolutionists have about four fossils that show transitional features, which is not the same.)
I'm sorry, but evolution is a bust.
Am I saying God created the world in six days about six thousand years ago? (Most scientists believe the world is four billion years old.) Not necessarily. Genesis One seems to say it was in six 24-hour days. But we need to look a little closer.

This is a matter that is very important to me. I preach that the Word of God is true and inerrant. I never want to make excuses or explain away difficult passages. I want to read the Bible believing it is forever true. I want to see all of it as being in agreement, both with itself and with what I can observe.
So, it troubles me when I read that God created everything in six days and nature seems to say something very different. In fact, if you believe God created Adam and Eve on the sixth day, you also have to believe Adam named the animals, took care of the garden, then felt lonely for a suitable companion all in one afternoon!
You have to ignore geographical evidence, isotope decay evidence, fossil evidence, and astronomical calculations.
If, however, you read the days of creation as “morning and evening, a day”; “morning and evening, a second day” and keep in mind that Peter said a day is like a thousand years to God, you see the six “days” as specific creation periods. Creation periods that line up with scientific evidence! The Hebrew word for day is yom. It normally means a 24-hour-day period, and in this poetic context seems to be showing how each orderly phase of creation corresponds to days of the week – leading to a day of rest, which is very important and symbolic in God’s economy. (He wants us to rest in him and rely on him for our provision.)
When we view the Bible’s creation account this way, suddenly the textual discrepancies disappear and so do the conflicts with science. It is very comforting to me to know that God’s Word continues to stand the tests of time. It is true and it always will be.
When Moses wrote Genesis, the world was full of religions that claimed all sorts of fanciful creation accounts. God said that He was the creator. The Bible confirms this over and over. I don't know how long he took or how he did it, but I believe God created the universe. I'm watching the fossil record to see what it says, and right now it is saying evolutionists need to keep looking. A good place to start would be Genesis one.

Savannah's Salvation

This column was originally published in the Palestine Herald Press on September 28, 2003. It means a lot to me, so I thought I would share it again:

My daughter has been asking me for several months to baptize her and today I‘m going to do it. I’m going to do it even though I’m convinced she doesn’t fully understand what it means. After all, how can a seven-year-old grasp the idea that the God who created the universe wants to have a friendship with her and so he came to earth in bodily form to pay for her sin so that he can.
I guess I’ve been moving slow on this because I wanted to make sure she really was ready for this commitment. Many parents struggle with this, wondering if their children are old enough for such a decision. So, we proceeded with caution. We didn’t push her to talk about it, but let her bring it up. Meanwhile we continued to take her to church every Sunday and Wednesday, we continued to pray with her at meals and bedtime, and we continued to talk openly about our faith in our home.
And sure enough, she kept bringing it up. I remember being in the pool one hot day this summer and she asked me to baptize her right there in the back yard. (It’s funny, our son asked me the same thing the summer before I baptized him.) I knew she was close, but I just wanted to make sure she understood what she was asking.
Here lately, she brought it up several more times. My wife and I sat and listened to her but she wasn’t saying what we thought we needed to hear. We explained the gospel to her as simply as we could. We told her that we all are sinners and need forgiveness so we can have a relationship with Holy God. That forgiveness saves us from God’s anger toward sin. We explained that Jesus died for us on the cross to pay for our sin and erase that wrath. She shook her head with understanding and said she wanted to ask Jesus to save her. So, we helped her pray that prayer.
Last Sunday, she came down to the front during our church’s invitation and made her decision public. She wasn’t emotional about it and that’s okay. She didn’t have years of stubbornness and sin to feel sorry about, she just knew she had asked Jesus to save her and wanted to tell everyone about it.
By the way, she may not have been emotional, but I was a basket case!
After I baptize her today, I’m going to preach on the story in the Bible where mothers were bringing their children to Jesus. The disciples tried to stop them, but Jesus said to let them come and not to hinder them. The Kingdom of Heaven is entered only when we have a child’s faith, he said. A child’s faith is simple, humble and complete.
The truth? I still don’t understand how the God who created the universe wants a friendship with me and paid a heavy price to get it. I’ll never really understand that. Who am I that God would die for me? But we aren’t saved based on our knowledge, understanding or good deeds, we are saved based on our faith. My daughter has a child’s faith and that’s all she needs.

(For the record, I baptized my son the Sunday after September 11, 2001.)

How Much Jail Time? -- A Response

Anna Quindlen is smart, articulate, and very liberal. She writes on the back page of Newsweek Magazine. This week, she writes what she believes is a slam-dunk against those of us who are pro-life. She asks how much jail time a women should serve if she has an abortion.
In her column, she states that pro-lifers haven’t thought of this. No pro-lifer wants to send a woman to jail for having an abortion. But if abortion is murder, the mother should do time. Since no one wants this, Anna argues, abortion should continue to be legal.
This shows how wrong the whole emphasis is of those who are pro-choice. They are only thinking about the rights and dignity of the woman. Pro-lifers are concerned with preserving the rights of innocent children. The woman may be innocent in some cases, but unborn babies are always innocent.
We do not have the right to take an innocent person’s life under any circumstance, no matter how awful. It doesn’t matter how inconvenient a life is, we do not have the right to end it.
Anna demonstrates how wrong her focus is when she says, “Apparently, no one has told Justice Kennedy about the severe depression and loss of esteem that can follow bearing and raising a baby you can’t afford and didn’t want.” We clearly see that she is only thinking of the convenience of the mother, not the sanctity of life.
In response I would say, “Hundreds of families are desperate for babies; why not allow one of them to adopt the baby instead of murdering it?”
So, do I want to send women to jail if they have an abortion? Murder is murder and should never be acceptable to society. If a mother kills one of her children, she faces punishment. The mother who has an abortion should face the justice system for the same reason. There should be no distinction between a born and unborn child. We should punish anyone who takes a life. Even if the pregnancy was unwanted, or forced upon her. We should not murder innocent people because they are an inconvenience or because their life came about under dubious circumstances.
I don’t want anyone to go to jail, but if I must choose, I choose to protect innocent children. If some women have to do time, then that’s a price I’m willing to pay to preserve the sanctity of life and protect the innocent.
Will some women be harmed because they have unsafe or at-home abortions if Roe V. Wade is overturned? Yes, and I hate that, but it is not a justification to legalize the murder of innocent people.
Sorry, Anna, but your argument is a straw man.

Guilt and Conviction

I was reading a blog the other day and someone said he is free now that he has left "the guiltplex of Christianity", implying that Christians live our lives feeling guilty all the time. Guilty because we can’t live up to God’s standards, and because we continually do things that we want to do, but know we shouldn't.
I was struck by the term “guiltplex” because that is exactly how I don’t feel. I haven’t felt guilty in so long I don’t even remember the feeling.
It made me think about guilt and Christianity and my own experience. I can remember church leaders trying to make me feel guilty when I was younger. Sure enough, I wasn’t doing something exactly like they wanted. But as I’ve matured I’ve come to realize that guilt is a terrible motivator. When we feel guilty, we are punishing ourselves for sins and mistakes from the past. It isn't a good motivator because we tend to rebel against it. God knows this and a lot of church leaders need to learn it. God uses conviction, instead. The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin and encourages us to stop doing it and do better. Conviction encourages us; guilt discourages us. Conviction pushes us forward; guilt drags us backward.
As it happens, the Bible says Jesus removes not only the guilt of sin, but he even cleanses our consciences of it. (Hebrews 9:14). Because he paid for every Christian’s sins once for all, we can live our lives guilt-free.
In truth it is those who are not Christians who live with a guiltplex. They are the ones who feel guilty because God's punishment has not been removed from them. Even if they don’t care what God thinks, they still must carry the guilt of every sin they commit. Jesus said we are slaves to sin when we sin, but he sets us free. (John 8: 34) If you haven’t felt the freedom of living a guilt-free life, then you haven’t experienced true Christianity.
It is an irony: we know we’re sinners, but we don’t live in guilt. How can this be? Because Jesus took care of the guilt of sin when he forgave us. Yes, we still feel conviction when we sin, but it is not the crushing feeling of shame and unworthiness that guilt brings. We Christians still sin, but we have the power not to live a willful, sinful lifestyle. It is very freeing and very wonderful. Who wouldn’t rather be free than enslaved? It is Christ who sets us free; freedom from Christ is enslavement.

Well, if it's gonna rain every day...

The kids went out this afternoon (David, still in his church clothes) to jump on the trampoline. Just then it started to downpour. They just kept jumping, so I went out and took this picture. (Don't worry, it wasn't thundering...)

Headin' for an Achy Breaky Heart

I was channel-surfing today just as Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View was introducing Billy Ray Cyrus. I stopped because my daughter watches Hannah Montana every day on the Disney Channel. It’s a cute and clean show and I think Billy Ray does a good job playing the dad of his real-life daughter, Miley (AKA Hannah).
Elizabeth asked him what it was like being a TV dad and real-life dad at the same time. Billy Ray said he always wanted to be his children’s “best friend” and it worked at home and on the show. Uh oh, I thought. I hope he doesn’t really mean that.
Then, The View guest co-host Dayna Devon asked Billy Ray how he planned to steer Miley away from the dangers that have beset Britney, Lindsay and Paris. His answer? He said Miley was a really sweet girl and all he plans to do is make sure she has a good time. I couldn’t believe that was his answer. Having a good time is exactly what has lead the afore mentioned starlets into all the trouble.
In Billy Ray’s defense, the questions may have caught him off guard and he simply wanted to come across as fun-loving and cool. But both of his answers were wrong.
First, Miley doesn’t need him to be her best friend, she needs him to be her father. She needs him to teach her values, morals, limits, and responsibility, both by example and by word. And “having a good time” is not the answer to keeping Miley on the straight and narrow (which is the phrase Devon used when asking him the question.) The problem with this is it only leads to more and more “fun”, pushing the limits, trying harder and harder to have a good time. It’s exactly the lifestyle we keep seeing with those troubled celebrity vixens.
Miley can (and should) have loads of fun, but Billy Ray must clearly explain to her that there are consequences to her actions and that certain lifestyles will lead her where she doesn‘t want to go. Britney and Lindsay were both cute, innocent, Disney girls too. Billy Ray better adjust his parenting style, if what he said today is true, or one day that cute little daughter of his is going to stomp all over his achy breaky heart.

Dallas Explosions

I've been watching the news about the acetylene tanks blowing up near downtown Dallas. I pray for the men who were burned, and I'm glad no one was killed, but I'm also thankful this didn't happen while we were up there yesterday. This plant is right across the highway from Reunion Tower. Here are some more pictures we took from the tower. You can see Dealey Plaza, Texas Stadium in the distance, and more of the buildings. The Hyatt was also damaged by the explosions. You can see the pictures I took inside the hotel yesterday.